


The 3racha Foundation

by ChibiPanda



Series: Sweeter Than Sugar [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3RACHA, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Light Angst, Pre Stray Kids, Some Fluff, still kinda slice of life ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-02 14:45:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17266112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiPanda/pseuds/ChibiPanda
Summary: 3racha. The foundation of Stray Kids happened one brick at a time-one friendship at a time. Cementing the ground that would one day allow all nine to fly.'The only small problem was Jisung felt a bit lonely. His friend hadn’t passed their audition, his parents hadn’t moved any closer, and while he’d met plenty of people he hadn’t really found any friends. Jisung was friendly, excitable at times, and definitely loud, but he was also a bit too focused on certain things and he’d heard some other trainees complain about him too. Which made making friends even more challenging.'





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to jump my order a bit since this story starts with Christmas kinda...I hope someone enjoys it. AND that everyone had a good holiday. I also hope that you have a wonderful 2019 <3

Luck. Jisung had to be one of the luckiest people on the entire plant. Convincing his parents to let him try to get into a music company; having a friend convince him to audition to JYP; getting into JYP. Absolutely the luckiest person alive.

The only small problem was Jisung felt a bit lonely. His friend hadn’t passed their audition, his parents hadn’t moved any closer, and while he’d met plenty of people he hadn’t really found any friends. Jisung was friendly, excitable at times, and definitely loud, but he was also a bit too focused on certain things and he’d heard some other trainees complain about him too. Which made making friends even more challenging.

Though the comments – the complaints – shouldn’t have bothered Jisung as much as they did. Most of the comments were actually nice, just hidden under a layer of annoyance and frustration. Things like how he was ‘too’ talented to have such an ‘ugly’ face or how it was a ‘shame’ he seemed to have so many ‘natural gifts’ when he'd never make it into an idol group. There were also loosely veiled digs at his affinity for wearing makeup. To be fair, Jisung had decided that was probably a bit over the top and had since stopped wearing it regularly.

Jisung wasn't trying to be good. That was what bothered him most about the comment. He wasn't showing off. He just wanted to get better. If Jisung was being honest with himself, he also felt that the praises were unjustified. He knew he was talented, but no more so than any other trainee.

When he’d tried to express that, however, it never landed well with the trainees he was with. Most dismissed it as false humility. Sometimes it was, but normally Jisung felt his weaknesses whenever he vocalized it.

His mind was spinning trying to grasp everything. Rap lessons had gone extremely well; Their instructor had been impressed, not just by Jisung’s technique but also by his self-composed lyrics.

‘Natural talent’ the instructor had exclaimed after Jisung’s evaluation in front of the room, ‘did everyone hear how the lyrics worked together? Not just the words, but the way his rhythm flowed? That is what we want from JYP idols. Great job Jisung-ah.’

Jisung had returned to his chair only to be greeted by a few backhanded compliments and glares.

“Well,” he muttered to himself as he climbed the stairs, “If people think I’m good, I better become the best – even if it’s alone.” He hoped the practice room he loved was empty. The chances were pretty good, seeing as it was getting late already.

Jisung almost tripped, after missing the top step, catching himself with the wall. Thankful that no one was in sight.

No sooner than Jisung sighed in relief, did the door at the far end of the hall open. Revealing, a trainee Jisung only vaguely recognize. The guy was slightly taller than Jisung himself and dressed from head to toe in black, complete with the black baseball cap. Though, the paleness of the stranger's shins stood exposed by the black loose fitting shorts. The guy, who Jisung only knew as the ‘Australian genius’ who was friends with everyone, screamed professionalism. He even held a sleek laptop computer.   

The guy was way too cool and too advanced to be friends with Jisung.

Regardless, he still smiled and bowed respectfully. Hoping, if nothing else, he'd be thought of in a neutral light. And to his credit, the older Australian lowered his head in return. Before continuing along down the stairs Jisung had just climb.

Once he was again alone, Jisung started walking and set about practicing in the now unoccupied room.

Over the next four weeks, the young rapper passed the Australian, that he learned was named Chris, nearly every day. Passing each other in the same spot day after day.      

Not that they had spoken to each other. Not really. Jisung had said ‘hi’ a few times; in English first only to realize that Chris had been in Korea a good length of time and to then feel completely embarrassed for assuming the older might not understand such a simple phrase. Following that incident, Jisung waited nearly a week before saying ‘hello’ again – in Korean.

So he was surprised when the untouchable Chris spoke to him, legit spoke to him. One afternoon.  

“Hey, you’re Jisung. Right?” Chris’s Korean was better Jisung’s English – or at least that’s what the younger thought, “I’m Chris, or Bang Chris or I guess Bang Chan,” he laughed brightly though appeared a bit frazzled.

“Oh, yeah I’m Jisung… It’s nice to meet you,” he paused still startled, “Hyung!” he added with some haste, chastising himself for not saying ‘shii.’

Suddenly everything about Chris relaxed and the bright laughter turned into an equally bright smile, “Good. Nice to meet you too. To be honest, I saw your stage at the evaluation. You're really amazing.”

The stage hadn't been much, Jisung got to rap sixteen counts in one set, dance to a couple of songs, and sing the counter chorus for three measures. Really nothing worth praising. “I guess, could have done better though.”    

The older flashed a quick frown, “don't sell yourself short. You wrote the rap lyrics too, the ones you performed?”

“Oh, well sorta. I mean, I thought about them…” Jisung shifted side to side, embarrassed, “but I hadn't really written them down.” He looked away for a second.    

“Okay Mate,” The sudden English word went oddly well with the surrounding Korean. “We are going to get a late lunch or dinner! Unless you have a lesson?” Chris continued happily noting the shaking head, “Great. Come on then.”

It was funny, until that moment – when Chris basically dragged Jisung out of the building and looped his arm over the younger's shoulders – Jisung hadn't fully realized how much he'd missed being with somebody. He was a cuddler and he had missed cuddling. He just hadn't realized how much.

“I was really excited to see you perform at the eval. My rap instructor kept telling me I needed to meet you,” Chris chuckled.

“Really? He never mentioned anything to me…”   

“Yeah well,” Chris is chuckle turned slightly awkward for a second, “I have this crazy plan… anyway more about that later. He just kept talking about how talented and clever you were and that we might make a good study team. Writing stuff, you know? Composing too, if you're interested.”

Jisung could feel how unsure Chris was through his body, as it grew stiff against him, “Really?! Hyung you want to write music with me?” Jisung had to fight against the tight feeling in his throat. He had only known Chris for twenty minutes, he couldn't act like a sappy idiot just yet. He wasn't even sure they'd be friends.

“Yeah!” The Australian relaxed marginally, “I have been working on writing and composing for a while you know, because I can't seem to debut,”  the laugh that followed was tinted a self-deprecating color, “and I'd love someone to work with. It's kinda tough to do it alone…”

Jisung took note of the unpleasant self-conscious tone and filed it for later; assuming they became friends anyway. “Really?! You mean it? I probably am way worse at all that than you are.”

“Really, really!” Chris curved his arm slightly – basically hugging the younger for a few seconds, “I think you're super talented! You're giving me too much credit,” he laughed again, “I've seen you perform and heard you improv, but you haven't even heard me.”

“I'm in! I'm so in!” _This was the best thing_ , “I promise I'll try my best Chris-hyu…shii.”

Chris pulled away and ruffled Jisung’s hair, “Hyung is perfectly fine Jisungie. We're here! Have you eaten here before? It's really good, Bambam and I used to come here way too often.”

The small establishment was more of a cafe than a restaurant, but it looked cute and inviting.

“No. I really haven't eaten outside of the studio or dorms much. I don't know Seoul all that well.”

Chris opened the door and motion Jisung in, “Really? Where are you from? Outside Seoul?”

“Yeah sorta. I've been studying in Malaysia for a while now.” There was an open booth near the back of the restaurant and Chris pulled up a finger to Jisung asking him to wait a minute, scurrying off to that booth placing his bag on the table and rushing back.

“That's so cool! I've never done anything like that. I mean except for the whole leaving Australia to come here I guess.” Chris glanced up at the menu, “know what you want? All on me. I'll bet your English is better than my Korean.” He added thoughtfully.         

*~*~*~*

Befriending Chris was easy. Insanely easy. Jisung felt warm simply thinking of the older, who had become an amalgamation of a brother, friend, father, and mentor.

The composing and writing was always seen as a highlight for Jisung; a small flash of what might happen in the future. The two met three times a week in one of the upstairs practice room and would spend a few hours working, and then get dinner. Occasionally, meeting up outside the JYP building also.

It didn't take long for Jisung to think of Chris as his best friend and it didn't take long for Jisung to notice Chris hid a great deal behind his eye smiles and bright laughter. A darkness and a sadness that hurt the younger's heart. So over the last few weeks, Jisung had been trying to make sure Chris knew he was important.

His current plan was to inform Chris that they'd be spending Christmas together. The older had said he wasn't returning to Australia, so Jisung had decided to at least suggest they celebrate together. The holiday was couple orientated in Korea, but Chris had spoken fondly about it; excitedly telling stories from years past – Christmases he’d spent with his family.

The problem was Jisung wasn't sure how he should phrase the invite. Was ‘hey we should hang on Christmas’ too up front? He'd known Chris for a few months now, and he knew it was easy to speak to the older casually but that might be too casual. And too assuming. Chris might already have plans, he might not want to spend any time with Jisung. In fact, their friendship might even be one-sided. Perhaps ‘what are your plans for the holiday’ was better. Jisung would be giving Chris an out then…  

“Sungie,” The sudden sound caused the younger to jump and Chris to chuckle, “you're always moving, but you seem even more twitchy today. Everything alright?”

“Oh! Yeah sorry.”

“It's fine. Just a bit worried about you is all, but if you say it's nothing…”

“It's nothing,” Jisung interrupted softly, dropping a pack of Jolly ranchers he pulled from his backpack onto the table, “help yourself Hyung. I've got plenty.”

“How do you get such a big bag?” Chris questioned, copying Jisung and popping one of the bright candies into his mouth.            

“The international market,” he paused, running his tongue over the solid piece of sugar and hoping to gain some courage, “so…uh, you're probably busy… but I'm not… I mean, what are your plans for Christmas Hyung?”

Chris is face shifted from concern to endearment the longer Jisung drew out his question, “want to hang out for the holiday Sungie?”

“Yeah! I mean unless you already have plans of course.”

Chris smiled affectionately, “No. I had just planned to come here and write all day if I'm being honest with you.”

In response, Jisung’s cheeks puffed dramatically, “You can't do that. But we can! And I'll buy a cake and maybe we can watch a movie! Plus you'll get to open your present!”          

“Present!?” Chris’s whole body brightened, “I’ve got a present?”

“Of course.”

“What is it?”

“It's a Christmas present Hyung. You have to wait for Christmas.”

“Even me?”

“What? Of course you idiot,”

“Hey, I'm your Hyung,” the reprimand was less effective with the giant smile attached.   

“Right, yes,” Jisung grabbed another candy, “idiot-hyung.”

“Better.” the giant smile grew even larger, “you got me a gift.” he shifted happily, “a present,” he repeated.

The excitement created a pool of embarrassment deep in Jisung’s gut, “yeah…but it's probably not too special or anything…I just, you know.”

“Know what?” Chris pushed playfully, enjoying the other's embarrassment too much.

“It's Christmas and I wanted you to have…Christmas.” he finished lamely. He has been good at pulling back on his stupid sappy emotions, but his voice betrayed him.

“You're the best Ji. Thank you.”

Jisung didn't comment on the dark undertone of Chris's voice instead playfully leaning into the compliment, “I really am, huh?”         

*~*~*~*

Chris’s dorm was only three flights above Jisung’s, but the younger had never gone up to it. However, the older had suggested a sleepover and that Jisung should bring up his things before they went out the day.  

Jisung had been so excited and oddly nervous that he barely slept the night before and was currently bouncing around his dorm waiting until it was time to go up to Chris’s. The poorly wrapped present, filled with a few candies Jisung had hunted down at the world market after Chris had mentioned missing them and new a USB mixer to replace the one Chris had bought off of former training 3 years ago, sat next to his bags near the door. Since Jisung had mentioned getting the present, he'd been terrified Chris wouldn't like it. That it was too hyped and Chris would be disappointed in the end.

Tapped his foot anxiously as the minutes ticked on, he tried to focus on resisting the urge to rewrap the parcel; again. It didn't look bad in the shiny white, green, and red paper Jisung had bought along with the Australian goodies, but it also wasn't perfect. And he wanted it to be perfect. Needed it to be perfect. It was obviously a tough time of the year Chris and Jisung wanted to make it better. To give the older boy another friend he could rely on.

Just as he was about to give in and fix the wrapping, the alarm on his phone went off indicating it was time to climb the few flights and meet Chris. With a rush of anxiety, he grabbed his old torn backpack and Chris’s present before rushing out of the room. Still feeling antsy the younger rapper chose to take the stairs rather than wait an eternity for the elevator.   

Chris’s dorm was on the far end of the floor, currently being shared with only one other training who'd gone back to China for the holiday and the door had a large print out of both national flags with their names printed in bold taped to it.

Jisung took a calming, slightly shuttery, breath and knocked firmly on the solid wood.

“Sungie!” Chris pulled the door open, and Jason was struck by the warm scent of sweets, “come in! I'm making cookies!” The Aussie grabbed Jisung by the upper arm and pulled him inside with a bright smile. “I'm a bit embarrassed to say, but I'm really excited for Christmas this year!”     

Jisung relaxed quickly, “Me too Hyung!”

“Oh! Is that my present?”

“Yep! Who else would it belong to?” Jisung felt warm at the sight of Chris’s shining eyes, “But you gotta wait ‘til Christmas morning.”

“Of course!” He said brightly, carefully lifting the present from Jisung’s hands and placing it next to the two other wrapped packages near the window. “I have a couple more in my room also, but I already opened them,” Chris ran a hand through his hair smiling bashfully, “They were from my family. Since I figured I'd be chilling and writing alone I open them right away…”     

“Oh, what did they get you?” The younger ignored the embarrassed haze on Chris's face, “You didn't have to wait for me. Except for the one I brought. You have to wait for that one!”  

“Figurines,” he motioned for Jisung to follow him to the kitchen, “and a rubber ducky…it's an inside joke.”

Jisung laughed lightly, “man, it smells amazing in here!” He inhaled dramatically shifting to lean against the counter and watching Chris as he turned the light on inside the oven, “I hope you like my present… I'm a bit concerned…”      

“I’ll love it!”

“I don't know… it's okay if you don't.”

“Cookie?” Chris didn't wait and placed the still hot chocolate chip cookie from the last batch into Jisung’s mouth as the younger went to speak again, “the fact you even thought of getting me something is special. I mean Bambam has before and my parents, but you know how it is,” he paused shoving a whole cookie into his own mouth, “it's a bit of a different holiday here and everything. I haven't actually spent it with my family and like three years.”

Jisung carefully chewed the creamy hot cookie and then spoke, softly and honestly, “well, I'm not family… but friends are very important to me. They are what supports me when I can't support myself, right? Help me try to obtain the unattainable with a bit of guidance or a word of encouragement,” he rubbed his nose, bashfully, “remind me blessings wait.”

“You need to write more lyrics,” Chris said thoughtfully after a few seconds, “you're super poetic and it's pretty inspiring. Anyway, I know I just shoved a cookie in your face, but have you eaten yet? I missed breakfast… 'cause I had to clean …but, you want to go grab something, head to the studio, work, grab snacks, and come back here to watch something?”              

Jisung laughed at his friends rambling, “sounds like a plan Hyung.”

*~*~*~*

Jisung was awoken the next morning with a gentle, yet persistent, shake, “Sungie ~~ can I open my present? It's Christmas morning now, please!”

The two had fallen asleep around five, after bingeing every season of Naruto they could find. It was now seven-forty-one.

“Please Sungie! I’m curious,”

With eyes still sealed shut, Jisung laughed; voice deep with sleep, “Okay Chris-hyung.”

The older fist-bumped the air and scurried out to the living area, returning a few seconds later with the three wrapped items.

“I’m excited!”

Jisung watched, too tired to feel nervous, as Chris carefully tear at the wrapping. Watched Chris’s eyes widen when the first Tim Tam slipped out through a hole. And watched as the slight disbelieving smile and look of awe appeared when the colorful wrapping paper was removed and the mixer came into sight.

“I know it's probably not the one you wanted… but your old one keeps failing you said, and I guess this one could hold you over. Maybe?” Jisung muttered.

The older simply jumped on Jisung, pulling the younger boy into a tight hug. “It's perfect! How did you afford it even?”

Jisung had used some of the money his parents had given him for food, but Chris didn't need to know that, “I'm glad you like it.”     

“Here,” Chris pulled away and grab the two small square presents he brought back to the bedroom with his, “These are yours. It's not much, especially compared to mine but yeah…”

The smaller box, wrapped in bright blue, was closest. Jisung tore up the wrapping, suddenly excited. Inside of the small cardboard box was a carefully hand-painted ceramic Doraemon that opened up revealing assorted hard candies.

“I know you always carry candies with you, so when I saw the Doraemon at the store…” Chris tapered off.

“Did you paint this?!”

“Yeah…”

“Really?!” Jisung questioned a second time in awe. The color was perfect and clean, Chris had put a lot of time into it, “I can’t even. How? Why?”

The Aussie chuckled warmly, “open the other one Sung.”

Jisung nodded and place to the cute Doraemon box down on the table. The slightly larger box was wrapped in silver, it was thin and slightly heavier than the other had been. He unwrapped it more carefully, under the shiny paper was a thick rich brown leather notebook. The cover had intricate patterns embedded in the material. Jisung’s hand shook slightly as he opened it. The lined pages were off-white and warm and in the upper right corner of every other page was a poem.

“I made sure that the complicated poems, the ones with really uncommon English words, were translated into Korean. I know you're great at English, but I wanted it to be easy and not frustrating.”     

The poem on the opening page had Chris’s Korean clearly explaining and defining a couple of words;

_‘that it will never come again_

_is what makes life so sweet._

_Believing what we don't believe_

_does not exhilarate_

_that if it be, it be at best_

_an ablative estate –_

_this instigates an appetite_

_precisely opposite’_

– Emily Dickinson

 

“I know you prefer to hand write your lyrics and, I don't know, I just figured the poetry might be a nice addition…”

“You defined so many words…” Jisung flipped through a few pages, astounded Chris had spent so much time and effort on him.

“I wanted to make sure you could enjoy it.”

“How are you so cool?”

“I don't think it'd be called cool by anyone but you Jisungie.” Chris smiled tenderly, “I'm really glad to have met you, Ji. It feels corny to say it, but this is really one of the best Christmases I've had since I joined JYP…”

“I'm glad. I was hoping I'd help it become something good.”

“I want to debut with you Ji.” Chris's voice took on a sudden serious and slightly defiant tone.

“What? Really? Why!?”

Chris laughed, “I want to form my own team Jisungie. Starting with you. If you're in.”      

“Hell yeah, I’m in!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you enjoy!
> 
> *There will be some cursing*

By March, Jisung had managed to befriend a few other trainees, fill a fourth of his Christmas present with lyrics, and successfully pass two individual evaluations. He also earned himself a degree of notoriety. Apparently, self-composed evaluation raps that incorporated singing and end in positive comments from both JYP and the committee, result in other trainees looking at you in amazement.

Jisung admitted – to himself – that the praise felt good. Especially coming from his fellow trainees. And even better when it came from Chris, who'd become his best friend with ease. Together they created skeleton tracks for songs they hoped would one day work for debut, as well as some nearly complete pieces that were missing a third color and came off a bit flat in their current form.

However, for as nice as it felt Jisung also thought the praise created an unrealistic expectation. All the new trainees and instructors seemed to anticipate great things from him. It made him worried. Worried he'd never be able to meet those expectations. Not without nonstop practice, uncalculated amounts of luck, and maybe another five people to make up for his inability.   

With that thought at the forefront of his mind, Jisung went to each lesson looking for a potential addition to his and Chris’s duo. Chris would be the one to actually make the decision; he was trying to do something crazy. But it didn't stop Jisung from looking. The people needed to have something special because Chris was special and the people on his team needed to be special too.

There were a handful of new trainees in the large practice room being used for today's lesson. One caught Jisung’s eye immediately.

The trainee was shorter then Jisung had dark features, and was standing a few paces away from the other newbies. When the instructor asked them to introduce themselves, the dark boy bowed politely and spoke.

“Seo Changbin,” his voice was rough, gravely, and had an unusual dark coloration to it, “pleasure to meet everyone.”

The tone in Changbin’s voice further intrigued Jisung; it would playoff Chris’s clean tone so well.  

Once the introductions were done and the instructor told them to warm up, Jisung made his move. “Hey, want to battle,” _yikes that sounded too cartoonish_ … “Uh, I mean warm up by like an improv rap battle of sorts…”    

“Don’t do it Changbin-shii,” another trainee interrupted, “Jisungie is brutal at improv…”

There was a shift in Changbin that Jisung could almost feel. The slightly shorter boy suddenly seemed more open and interested, “Jisung-shii, huh?”

Jisung smirked in return, “Yeah. You ready? You can go first.”

“Sure,” Changbin’s verses were raw and lacked the flow Jisung strived for, but they were powerful and impressive. The words took on animal-like qualities at points; growls almost. Jisung could feel the bite snapping just above his skin.   

Changbin was good. Already as good as Jisung, and with some practice – a month, week, hell a day – he’d easily surpass Jisung entirely. The sheer truth behind that thought threatened to overshadow Jisung’s mind, but he pushed it aside for the moment.

By the time Changbin had finished his piece, everyone in the room was watching the pair. The rush of excitement fueled Jisung’s own lyrics. Words and rhythms less harsh, but more connected; lyrical; well crafted. Improvisation was one of his only true skills in his opinion, he loved it.

“Well,” Their instructor's voice echoed after Jisung had finished, pausing for the outburst of excitement that soon followed, “I see we have some more talent to add to our rap pool. Maybe JYP will one day be able to overtake YG, hmm?”

“Hey…Jisung-shii?” Changbin spoke up once the attention had again left them.

“’Shii?’” he blinked in mild surprise, “Uh, yeah?”

“Do you write lyrics?”

“Funny you should ask,”

Changbin seemed flustered, almost concerned at the unrecognizable tone, and tried to recover, “Sorry I just, you had really great lyrics – improvised no less. And, I write – not great – but I want…”

“Woah, it’s cool Changbin…when were you born?” he added the last as an afterthought. “My friend and I write some. Your tone is really cool. I think you should meet Chris-hyung.” When the other remained quiet, Jisung continued, “You should come out to dinner with us or something.”

Changbin looked overwhelmed, “uh…we could do that.”

Jisung forced himself to not feel upset by the newbie's reaction. Maybe he was too excited and it came off as ‘too’ much. He cleared his throat and tried to pull in his personality, “you don't have to of course. Chris-hyung is really talented. He has a number of tracks in progress, some I've worked with him on. We aren't professional or anything, but Chris-hyung thinks he might be able to convince management to allow us to put them up online once we finished,” he paused, biting his lip anxiously, “I mean if you aren't into it, that's cool…but, you know the offer still stands.”      

“I want to, it's just I'm not dorming here and my parents – my mom really – already made plans for dinner.”   

“Oh, yeah don't worry about it. Here,” Jisung fished his phone out of his pocket, “let me have your number and we can set something up. Chris-hyung and I meet up almost every afternoon so I'm sure we can make something work.”

Changbin took the unlocked device and messaged himself, handing back the phone just as their instructor started to talk again.   

As their lesson continued Jisung realized he'd been wrong, Changbin was already significantly better than him. Their instructor clearly knew that. Chris would know it too, the second he’d hear Changbin rap he’d know.

Jisung sighed silently, Chris deserved the best and Jisung wasn’t that. But Changbin could be. Changbin could be the best.

Jisung did all he could to squash down the festering jealousy. That could wait. He didn’t know if Changbin would click with them yet. There was no reason to be jealous of a potential thing.

*~*~*~*

It turned out there was no reason to be jealous at all, granted that didn't actually help prevent it.

Chris and Changbin’s first meeting went ridiculously smoothly. So much so that the three actually finished one track; finished it. Normally Chris always felt there was more to tinker with. They had even gone out for an early dinner before Changbin how to return home to his parent’s house.

When Jisung finally crashed in his bed that night, he was unable to sleep. Changbin fit perfectly with Chris and himself. His personality fit, his voice fit, his brain fit. It was like fate or destiny, and Changbin was nice too. Not just ‘I don't know you’ politeness either. Changbin clearly had a front he held – dark and intimidating – intentionally or not, but he was actually friendly, thoughtful, and extremely kind. Just the few hours Jisung had spent with him confirmed that.    

He groaned into his pillow, quietly as to not wake his roommate. Changbin didn't deserve his jealousy. Knowing that was just making Jisung feel worse and guilty.

Between the acidic jealousy and rotting guilt, his stomach was revolting. In frustration, Jisung tossed the covers aside, grabbed his notebook, and moved quietly to the living room. If he couldn't sleep, he could at least write. Maybe Changbin was better than him, but more practice wasn't completely worthless.  

Hours later, the sound of his phone ringing brought Jisung out of his trance. It was a message from Chris inviting him out to breakfast. Yawning, the younger quickly responded ‘sounds good.’ He wasn't sure if he'd slept or just zoned out, but another six pages were filled with lyrics, probably not even up to his own standards but it was something.   

When he returned from brushing his teeth and throwing on some clothes, Chris had messaged back claiming he'd meet him downstairs. The older had seemed so much happier as of late and it always brought a smile to Jisung’s face. At least he could make people happy; he wasn’t talented but he could do that. “Stop overreacting you, idiot.” Shaking his head and muttering under his breath, Jisung grabbed his bag – still packed from the day before – placed his notebook into it, and left to meet up with his hyung.

He had barely made it out of the elevator when Chris tackled him in a hug, “Good morning Sungie! It’s going to be a great day I can feel it!” he squeezed twice with added excitement. “Hey did you even sleep? You look exhausted and kinda clammy.” The Aussie paused and slapped a hand gently onto Jisung’s forehead, “You sick?”

“Good morning Hyung,” he replied sluggishly, “I’m not sick, just tired. Really.”

Chris gave him another once-over before throwing his arm around the younger’s shoulders, “come on then.” He pulled them forward pausing only briefly to tighten both his and Jisung’s jacket as the cold breeze greeted them, “so, you like Changbin, right? Think he fits?”    

Maybe it was his sleepy sluggish mind, but Jisung thought the question sounded like his friend was asking permission. Which was stupid, “of course Hyung. Changbinnie is great!”

“Hyung,” Chris chuckled quietly.

“hmm?”

“It’s ‘Changbinnie-hyung.’ He was born in 1999.”

“What!? Really? But he’s so-“

“Do not say anything. Be nice.”

“I wasn’t gonna say ‘short.’ I was going to say young looking.”

“Sung, you look like a toddler.”

“Do not,” it wasn’t a strong rebuttal. Jisung had always been called a toddler because of his cheeks.

“Don’t sound offended. It’s a good thing Sungie – It’ll throw people off in the end.”

“I guess,” there was another thing to be envious of he supposed. Both Chris and Changbin were much more attractive than he was, “Oh!” Jisung Pulled away marginally, “Changbinnie-hyung good morning!”  

To his credit, Changbin didn't jump too much in surprise, “good morning.” He paused suddenly processing, “Hyung?”

“I was born in 2000~” Jisung sang wistfully, “You’re my hyung.”

“Sung is our maknae~” Chris added happily.

“Oh? Really. I was so certain that Jisungie was older than me. You feel older Jisung-ah.” At the confused look, he continued, “it's a good thing.”

“You and Chris-hyung are on the same wavelength this morning,” Jisung said offhandedly.

Changbin stood awkwardly for a second, seemingly unsure at his role, “I, uh, did some writing last night.”

“Sweet, can we see it?” Chris detached himself from Jisung and started to lead them the rest of the way, “I'm excited to see what your ideas are Changbinnie!”    

Jisung felt another unfair sting of jealousy course through him and he tightened his hand around his bag. Taking a deep breath, “yeah you have to show us Hyung~” Changbin didn't deserve to have to deal with Jisung’s pettiness.

The older Smiled, slightly embarrassed, “I'm sure it isn't all that good…”      

It was great.

*~*~*~*

Jisung didn’t avoid Changbin, he couldn’t even if he’d wanted to. Changbin ended up being in both his rap and dance classes; the latter of which Jisung felt confident he’d beaten the older in – and then guilty for that confidence.

He had tried to avoid Changbin about a month into their friendship, hoping to get the acidic pain to leave his gut. Of course, Changbin was perceptive and more caring than he let on. By the third day, he asked Jisung what was wrong. The genuine concern tore at Jisung’s heart. Causing the quick creation of some fabrication and the desperate need for another plan.

That plan came in the form of dance. Jisung couldn't be the best rapper, but maybe if you really pushed himself he could be the best dancer – at least the best in their trio. He had to offer Chris something worthwhile,

It hadn't gone unnoticed. Their dance instructors made cracks about Jisung switching to dance every other lesson and both Chris and Changbin had questioned him as well. Though Jisung avoided giving a definitive answer.

Jisung knew how to focus, no one could argue that. When his mind was set on something he'd give it everything and then some. Once he decided to focus on dance it consumed portions of his life; he still put a great deal of effort into rapping and writing too. And the obsession with dance helped ease his jealousy towards Changbin somewhat.  

“That’s a great idea Changbinnie!” Chris snapped his fingers, “I like that change.”

“Cool,” the response didn’t hold the same satisfaction his smile provided, “Hey, Ji, what do you think?”

If he'd had been honest, Jisung would have asked to hear it a second time, considering he'd zoned out seven minutes prior, “I think it sounds great.” He ended with an unintentional yawn.

“You need more sleep Ji,” Changbin responded.

“He needs more food. All that dance is sucking away his squirrel cheeks,” Chris complained dramatically, though it was underlined with a curious concerned sound.

“Impossible!” Jisung waved it off, passing his notebook over to them, “I could be bones and my cheeks would still exist.”

Despite the laughter, Changbin quipped back, “let's not test that theory.”

“Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure how well those lines will match up with the new rhythm, but I think altering them would be pretty easy.” He switched subjects motioning towards the notebook, “I've got some other ideas if those turn out to be off theme as well.”

“These are impressive Ji,” Changbin commented, rapping through a couple of verses the younger had written out, “I don't think much will need to be changed.”

“Probably just transitions between our verses,” Chris added.      

Jisung nodded dismissively, not fully listening, he truly was exhausted, “I need to head out for dance, but I'll be back in a few hours.”

“We don't have class for another hour, Ji.”

“I know Changbinnie-hyung, but I have a few steps that still need a lot of help.”

“Bull,” Changbin muttered under his breath, loud enough Chris could hear it though Jisung missed it entirely. “I'll join you. God knows I need the extra practice.”

“Both of you need to eat breakfast and drink water before you dance,” Chris’s voice took on a protective tone as he tried to catch their eyes. The three had met up early that morning since they all had schedules later and though Chris had brought some snacks to share he'd rather that they had actual food.

“Of course mom,”

“Hey-“

The two younger rappers ran out of the room before Chris could finish; laughing.

For all of the uncomfortable jealousy Jisung felt towards Changbin, he already loved him as deeply as he did Chris. They were his brothers. He worked with them and for them, and Jisung hoped nothing would change that. If they could remain together – debut together – that would be the ideal situation.

“Hey Ji?”

“Hmm, what’s up Hyung?” They were just a minute or so away from the classroom – it wasn’t far from the room they used as their studio.

“You're not doing something stupid, right? Like, you're eating and sleeping, right?”

Another nail of guilt to add to his unjust jealousy, “What? Yes. I eat and drink, Hyung. Of course, I do.” He added a laugh for good measure, but couldn't answer the first question without lying. He could see the older nod lightly as they entered the large practice room.

“I hope so.”

“I'm not lying to you,” yet another flavor of pain.

“I never said you were. I just think something has been going on lately.”

“Ah- Jisungie, here already and I see Changbin-ah came too!” Their instructor’s greeting ended their conversation.

Jisung jumped right into practicing and he could feel his body argue against it; wanting sleep and rest rather than movement.

Since it was just the three of them, their instructor went back and forth between the two for the hour, then the rest of the trainees entered – eight in all – and the real class began. The theme this month was upbeat hip-hop dances which left most of the young hopefuls gasping for breath within the first half hour.

Jisung knew something was wrong before the class officially started. He could tell by the way his chest burned for oxygen and the way his hair remained dry and free of sweat. He was exhausted and probably brutally dehydrated. But he was too focused. The lesson would be roughly ninety minutes long, he could push through. Chug a bit of water during music changes or instruction, and then convince Changbin to get something to eat afterward.

However, an hour in Jisung started to wonder if that goal was actually all that realistic. He'd put in an extra hour of dance practice before meeting up with Chris that morning and a couple hours late the night before. It seemed to all be catching up to him.

Jisung could hear everything when things went black. His ears never stopped and he supposed neither did his brain. The weird ‘thud’ when his body crumbled. The sudden silence that fell over the trainees. And Changbin.

“Shit Jisung!”

“Everyone out. Lesson dismissed, will pick up again tomorrow,” the sound of someone's knee hitting the floor near his head broke up the instructor's word, “Changbin-ah that includes you.”

“But I-“

“Out.”

“I'm fine,” Jisung managed to say just as the sound of the door echoed in the open room, but he hadn't yet opened his eyes. It was odd the way his sense of touch slowly returned; first the sudden ache against the floor, then the hot hand tapping his face.

“I'm sure you are.”

His eyes felt thick, but he managed to force them open getting a great view of the bright ceiling.

“Stay still for a second now.”

He did what was asked, listening as the instructor moved across the room and back again.

“Okay, let's sit you up,” the instructor helped, sliding his hand under Jisung’s upper back. Once Jisung was sitting up, the older man handed him a bottle of water and an open sports drink, “sports drink first.”

Jisung didn't respond, but quickly drank the salty-sugary beverage before opening the water, “thanks…” the word was voiced with shame.

“Just take it easy. You feeling better?”

“Yeah…sorry,” he took another large drink of water.

“Okay,” the man stood again and walked back to the door, speaking as he swung it open, “As I assumed, Changbin-ah come in.”       

“Jisungie, are you alright?” Changbin had already crossed the room and bent down to offer the younger his hand.

“I'd like you to take Jisungie to get something to eat and make sure he drinks, at least, the rest of that water bottle. If you're willing.”

“Yes. Of course Sir.” Changbin had been careful to not fully release Jisung as the younger stood.

“I’m fine Binnie-hyung.”

“You're something alright…” he muttered carefully leading Jisung out of the room and into the hallway. “Here sit down for a few. Finish your water.” Changbin practically forced Jisung down, not taking his hands off the younger until he was fully seated. “I need to message Chris-hyung.”

“Why,” Jisung sputtered, and hastily dried the water before it dribbled past his chin, “you don't need to tell him anything.” The look Jisung received made him shiver.

“He already knows. I didn't know who else to call…I don't know your parents…if they're even in Korea…”

“God, don't call them…” he pulled the bottle away from his face, staring wide-eyed in a mixture of confusion and appalment, “why would they need to know? Why does Chris-hyung need to know?”

“I needed to call someone, Jisung. What was I supposed to do? So, I called. You freaking passed out! I needed to feel like I was doing something,” Changbin sounded strained and sat down typing quickly into his phone, “I…I'm glad the instructor was there…” the phone in his hand suddenly started vibrating, “Hello? Yeah. Yeah, hold on.” Changbin eyed Jisung as he handed over the phone.

The younger barely got a ‘hello’ in before Chris started speaking – completely giving up on Korean entirely.

“What happened? Are you alright? You are drinking water? Right!? Don't move, I'm almost there now.”

“Chris, I'm fine,” Jisung could feel shame, guilt, and embarrassment bubble up which made English harder to formulate, “I drank a sports drink and have water. You don't need to come.”

“Stay there. I will be there in five minutes,” dial tone.  

“Sorry…” Jisung slouched as he handed back the phone and sighed dejectedly, “I’m sorry. I’ll try harder.”

“You don’t need to try harder. Like, shit man…”

"I do need to try harder. Dance was going to be the thing, you know? The thing I could give. Chris-hyung has writing and producing, you have rapping…I thought,” he shifted and glanced sideways for a second, then chugged the last bit of water, “I promise I’ll find something.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Just, I need to meet people’s expectations; Chris-hyungs, yours, the company’s. I have to have something, right? That’s how you get to debut.”

“What?” Changbin repeated, “I’m really confused here Ji. What ‘expectations?’ I don’t expect anything from you. I mean other than you taking care of yourself.”

“Stop~” Jisung whined, it was childish – he knew – but at this point, “You’re making it worse~”

“How?”

Jisung hung his head lower, shamefully, “I’m jealous.” He admitted quietly, “You’re so much better than I am. And,” he sighed again frustrated at his own brain for not getting over this months earlier, “I can’t be that…so I just. Yeah…”

“You’re jealous? Of me? Why?”  
  
“What do you mean ‘why?’ Why wouldn’t I be, you’re freaking talented and I can’t compete at all.”

“So. You think Chris-hyung is ‘too’ good at producing and stuff and that I am ‘too’ good at rapping. To the point that you, what, can’t match us? Is that it?” the lack of response was enough for Changbin, “Did you know that I was jealous of you the day we met? I thought you had to be my senior, you know? How could someone younger than me be so flawless? The way you held yourself, the way you approached me, the way you performed – I mean shit Ji, it was my second day,” he paused laughing lightly and pulled another half-full bottle of water out of his bag and passed it over, “I don’t know what you saw in me during the, like, fifteen seconds before you came over, but I’m glad you saw it.”

“You were jealous?”

“Drink. And of course, I was. I don’t know how you can’t see it Sung, but you have this talent, not just singing, rapping, or dancing either – I mean you make things better. It probably doesn’t make sense, but don’t be jealous.”

Jisung went to respond, but the sound of hurried footsteps stopped him.

“Is he alright Changbinnie?” Chris looked frazzled, unraveled in a way, “He’s been drinking water, hasn’t he?”

“Hyung, I’m right here. I’m holding water. It’s really alright.”

Chris ignored the younger's response and knelt down in front of him instead, eyes fluttering across every centimeter of Jisung’s face, “you look kind of sick,” Chris placed his hand on the younger's forehead and looked up at Changbin, “are you alright? You look better than you sounded.”

Changbin gave a breathy, almost pain, sigh – as though an unspeakable emotion was passed through, exiting with the puff of air. “I guess. Yeah.”    

Under Chris’s clammy hand, Jisung wanted to look at Changbin – to reassure him somehow or to check and see if the sound matched the emotion – but stayed still.

Chris used his free hand to pat Changbin’s knee in a reassuring way, “your skin feels a bit tacky Ji, but no fever. How do you feel – honestly?”

Changbin shifted while Jisung stayed quiet for a few beats, clearly waiting for a true response.

“I feel fine. I mean I'm tired, my shoulder kinda hurts, and,” he paused hesitantly, “I'm a teeny bit lightheaded, but I'm totally fine.” Jisung made sure to rush the last admission.

“Can you stand?” Chris moved his hand slowly from Jisung’s forehead and down to grip the younger's forearm, “I think you should eat something and then maybe lay down. In the studio…I don't have anything else until later this afternoon and I don't want you to be alone.”

“I can stay with him Hyung. I don't have any other schedule today.” Changbin added quietly.      

“Really? That makes me feel better.”

Jisung tried to ignore their worried conversation and instead answered Chris’s earlier question, “I’m fine Chris-hyung. But food sounds good.”

“Okay, but say something if you need us to stop.” It wasn’t up for debate.

Chris stood first and backed away and waited patiently.

Changbin stood next but didn’t move away from Jisung. Offering the younger his hand again instead.

*~*~*~*

Changbin refused to let go of Jisung’s hand on the way to the restaurant – which prevented the younger from speaking up the three times his lightheadedness threatened to take control in a fruitless attempt to quell Changbin’s obvious unease.

It didn’t work.

Changbin did let go of Jisung while the three ate ramen at the closest shop to the studio, and he also let the younger walk untethered into the JYP building's elevator, and even to the practice room they used. Before intervening and preventing Jisung from sitting at the table, instead forcing him to the small couch.

Things continued much as they always did after that, until Chris reluctantly left for his class, leaving the other two alone.

“Binnie-hyung can I sit at the table? So we can work on that idea you mentioned. I’m completely fine. I was just stupid earlier…Honest.”

The older rapper waited a split second longer than needed, “Which idea?”

Taking the curiosity as a ‘yes,’ Jisung swiftly made his way to the table – dragging his bag and bringing his notebook along. “Two of them. I mean you mentioned being lost and finding something to show you the way; like a compass. Which I really like. And then you and Chris-hyung were throwing around the idea of blessings.”

Changbin smiled softly, “Yeah, I like those too. Got any ideas for the lyrics? I assume you do, otherwise, you wouldn’t be asking, right?”

“Right!” Jisung answered cheekily, “You’ll debut with us. I know it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Hopefully, it wasn't too bad. Sometimes I feel like I am on track and others it seems to fall off the rails. Anyway, I hope you had a great weekend! I hope to have the next chapter up next weekend <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 I think there will be five chapters in total <3

The three settled into a rhythm. Outside of their lessons, evaluations, and language classes, they'd meet up any chance they had to work on tracks; tripling their efforts every time Chris’s ideas of forming his own group was shot down by the management. For Chris and Jisung this meant longer hours spent in the studio and occasional nights spent sleeping bent over on the table. For Changbin it often meant hushed video calls from his bedroom in low lighting to make his parents think he was sleeping. Though, when he could keep stay late in the studio he did that also.

The studio, once the practice room Chris and Jisung commandeered daily, was reserved, only to be used by them. At first, it had been left open simply out of respect, other trainees spread the word and the room became honorarily Chris’s team’s room. Soon after the Aussie’s third request to form his own group, the management had given the three sets keys; keys to the supply room, their studio, and even the JYP building. The keys were a peace offering, a cheap payoff replacement for what Chris actually wanted. However, it was a step; everything was a step.

At least that was what Chris told them when he handed out the keys. But, Jisung was able to see the whole picture. He could see how hard Chris was trying to believe those words, could see how much his older friend was struggling to do so and could see the flecks of doubt scattered throughout each word and glisten in Chris’s eyes.   

Jisung was pretty sure Changbin saw it too. Since he went out of his way to express gratitude for being given keys at all. Even inviting everyone to eat dinner at his house – homemade dinner no less – in celebration for taking a step forward. The first step Changbin had actually seen. His efforts worked some, Chris seemed happy, almost relieved, at the excitement. Jisung assumed some of the Aussie’s disappointment and unease had more to do with thoughts of holding Changbin and Jisung back, rather than continuing as a trainee for yet another year.

They tried to work a bit longer after Chris returned from his meeting with the new keys, but it was clear no usable lyrics or music were going to come from it. After an hour, Changbin left to help his mom prepare for dinner – feeling slightly bad for tossing the idea at her last minute.

“See you in a bit Hyung~” Jisung forced out a cheerful edge, “we'll get a cake or something on the way.”

“Sounds good Ji,” Changbin smiled as he left.

“Who is going to buy this cake, Ji?” Chris question chuckling warmly. His features seemed to have thawed some over the last hour.

“Well~” he leaned back, tilting the chair on to two legs and drawing out the word playfully. This was what he was good at, brightening the mood, “that depends on what we decide to get.”

“You're hopeless,” Chris attempted to kick the chair but was sitting just out of reach.    

Even though Chris couldn't reach the chair, Jisung still lost his balance. Flailing as the chair fell to the floor and successfully catching himself as it did. Chris’s sudden jubilant laughter did little to settle Jisung’s erratic heart, though it did ease his mind, “Hey! It’s not funny!”

“I thought squirrels were supposed to be graceful?”

“Oh shut up Hyung. I should never have told you that nickname.”

“I’d have thought of it eventually~” Chris sang in response.  

Jisung gave a dramatic sigh in mock frustration before ungracefully picking up the chair, “Oh yeah?”

“Of course!” As the brief silence lingered, Chris’s smile faded some, “Hey, Sungie. I’m sorry.”

“You've got nothing to be sorry for Hyung. You can't control them, and they'll come around someday. Even if it's just to stop you from asking,” Jisung hoped his smile hid the slight disappointment he felt – he wanted to debut too, of course. “Plus, you're stuck with me.”

“Good. I'm happy to be stuck with you,” Chris smiled but it was slightly tarnished, “I feel like I should apologize to Changbin’s parents tonight…he's too talented, if I didn't find him he probably already had debuted.”

“Stop that. I brought him, one. And two he loves working with us. Hyung,” He paused, not sure exactly how to word the next few things, “Idol groups are a dime a dozen…not that it's a bad thing, but there's so many, you know? And so many amazing groups that no one knows. You're fighting to be something – even if it takes a year or ten, I'm going to fight with you…okay?” he shifted somewhat embarrassed before adding, “And so will Changbin-hyung.”

Chris bobbed his head up and down quietly, “it's just…”

“Just what?”

“Nothing,” Chris deflated and closed his laptop, “let's pack up and go find the perfect cake.”

Jisung reluctantly dropped the topic, “We should get two cakes.”

“Two?”

“Yeah, one for me and one for everyo-HEY!” He ducked just as Chris’s jacket was about to hit his face.

“I'll buy one cake, but you can pick the flavor, deal?”

“Deal.” Jisung Grab the discarded jacket and tossed it back to Chris, “have you met Binnie-hyung’s parents?”

Sliding on the jacket and pushing the chair back into place, Chris spoke timidly “no. I was supposed to last month but I caught the flu. You have though, yeah?”

“It wasn't my best moment,” Jisung laced the words with color, deciding distraction was his best option to help his friend at the moment, “Binnie-hyung and I had been working late. So we went to grab snacks.” He rushed through the door when Chris opened it and waited until it was locked to jump back into the dramatics, “I hadn't intended on a helpless kitten needing to be saved – but when destiny calls. Anyway, my brave attempt was successful. Though my ankle wasn't.”

The Aussie snorted, “You decided to jump off a meter high wall and rolled your ankle.”      

He opened his mouth with the intent arguing, but instead, Jisung started to giggle, “yeah…well, Binnie-hyung freaked out and wanted to take me to the hospital, but he relented and brought me to his place instead. So my ankle is all black and blue – swollen too – and Binnie-hyung is totally freaked out.”  

“Have a good evening boys,” a clerk called out to them as they passed.

“Thanks, Sir! We will – but his mom,” Jisung wasted no time in jumping back into the story, “was so chill about it.”

Chris wasn't able to prevent his smile from growing, “you were freaked out too I'm guessing.”

“Nah~” Jisung waved off the thought, “you think I'm bad now, imagine eight-year-old Sungie riding his bike down the hill into a tree at six in the morning.”

“What?” Chris stopped looking half appalled and half interested.

“Yeah, my friend’s mom had us watch ET and then he dared me to try to fly my bike.”

“And you did it?!”

“Obviously.”

“You could have killed yourself over a dare,” Chris suddenly looked completely horrified at the mere thought.

“Not because of the dare – I turn down the dare the night before. I was just curious,” Jisung forced them forward, “I wasn't hurt _that_ bad. Getting home was the worst part.” Feeling Chris’s curiosity and unease, Jisung continued, “I broke two ribs in my right collarbone,” he'd also gotten a bloody nose, mild concussion, and nasty cut on the top of his head but that could be kept secret, “my bike was a lost cause, so I had to walk back to my house. The looks dude! I can still remember the looks.”

“You’re lucky you didn't kill yourself,” Chris rammed his shoulder against Jisung, “Geez man, your folks should have bubble wrapped you or something.”  

Jisung pushed back laughing, “from what I remember, I was basically grounded for three years.”

“Good!” Chris through his arm over the younger’s shoulder, “you deserved it.”

“It's not my fault tree grew there…” he pouted, “Anyway, Changbinnie-hyung’s parents are great and they’ll love you! I bet they’re excited to finally meet the great Christopher Bang!”

“And to see you finally recovered from rolling your ankle?” Chris chuckled warmly, “so cake?”

They'd stopped in front of a nearby bakery, an Italian bakery. Jisung opened the door and they were greeted with the warm smell of butter and sugar wafting from the back. Various pastries glistening behind slanted glass barriers and assorted loaves of bread lined the outskirts of the room.

“Yes, cake. Oh man, everything looks so good in here Hyung. What are you in the mood for?”

“I said you get to pick.”

“I can't decide~”

Chris shook his head, “can't go wrong with chocolate I suppose. You want it to be cheesecake, Sung?” They moved past the small pastries towards the cake section where some cakes were beautifully decorated and others simply looked delicious.

“Don't tempt me,” Jisung huff dramatically, glad that he managed to lift the older’s spirits some, “probably should do a traditional cake. Binnie-hyung’s Parents might not love the gift to this world known as cheesecake.”

“So considerate of you.”

Jisung watched quietly as Chris ordered. The older boy wasn't the best at hiding his emotions, he could if he needed to – like Jisung doubted Chris had ever cried in front of Park Jinyoung – but the older boy was open and strong. He'd probably try to apologize to Changbin and even Changbin’s parents if given the opportunity. Jisung had plans to prevent the latter.

“Has Changbinnie messaged you yet Ji? Should we hang out for a while or head straight over?”

“Uh,” It took Jisung almost a minute to retrieve his phone from his bag. Changbin had messaged him twice. The first, less than ten minutes after they parted ways, read ‘make him smile.’ And the second, received about a half hour ago, simply said ‘come whenever.’ “He wants us to come whenever.”

“Tell him we're on our way.”

They decided to walk most of the way since the weather decent, catching a bus only after a light rain started.  

Changbin had clearly been waiting by the door, opening it the second Jisung started to knock, “Finally! My mom won't shut up. Get in here and save me.” He didn't sound relieved, he sounded entertained, “she's making enough food to feed, like, ten people.”

“The perfect amount, right Chris-hyung?”

“Sometimes I think you use me for your own pleasure,” despite the false bravado Chris continued, “but you're not wrong. I'm super hungry!” His eyes disappeared behind the smile, “Chris is hungry~”

“Good!” a new voice startled the boys, causing Jisung to jump and nearly lose his balance, “I want to make sure you boys are fed right. Who knows if you get actual meals with the amount of work you do.”

“Mom~”

“What? it's true. I mean look at you three, not even debuted and working harder than your father.”

“Hey now~” a whine erupted from the room Changbin’s mother had entered from; matching, in tone at least, Changbin’s exactly.   

“Friends of my Changbinnie are also my sons. Period. I'm going to make sure they are fed well dear.”

“Thank you, ma'am,” Chris smiled, “Uh, I'm Chris – the trainee from Australia…”

The older woman’s laughter was full of mirth and kindness, “I know who you are Chris-ah. You're going to do great things with my Changbin. I can't explain how proud I am of you three already.”

“Mom~” Changbin whimpered again, flashing an embarrassed look towards Jisung who was still recovering from the earlier jump scare.

“’Mom’ nothing. Jisungie, your ankle is better I take it?”

“Yes. Thank you again for helping me that day. I think Changbin-hyung might have passed out if it wasn't for you.”

“God! I'm alone in this world,” grabbing the cake from Chris's hand Changbin tried to switch topics. “Look they brought cake, Ma.”

“Bring it to the kitchen Bin,” she patted his shoulder as he passed,  then turned her attention again to the visitors, “Here are some slippers you boys can borrow,” with practiced hands she placed two fluffy pairs in front of them and waited until they removed their shoes.

Jisung was expecting what came next and smiled broadly at the surprise which radiated through Chris. Changbin’s mother was quick to encircle the older boy in a tight meaningful hug, muttering something to him, before squeezing once more and releasing him. She then turned to Jisung and pulled him into a similar hug, “glad to see you again. You need to come by more often.”      

*~*~*~*

The meal ended up being far better than Jisung could have imagined. Homemade meals always seemed to make things more meaningful and manageable in his experience and it seemed to help Chris calm down as well. The cake was equally as good and by the time everyone was finished the sky had already grown dark. It was decided that both Chris and Jisung would be spending the night rather than returning to the dorm; it was hard to argue with Changbin’s mother Jisung had discovered.

Changbin was quick to find extra sweats for the others to wear and started raiding the kitchen cupboards for snacks before his mom even finished putting everything away.

“You can change first Hyung,” Jisung pushed Chris towards the bathroom and started looking at the pictures that decorated the wall. Most of the pictures were of Changbin. A picture from his first birthday, chubby and adorable, dressed like a little king holding a colorful pen – looking about five seconds away from putting it into his mouth. An older version dressed in a school uniform sandwiched between slightly younger versions of his parents.

“All yours Sungie,” Chris had reemerged covered in a soft looking black sweatshirt and large sweatpants.   

Jisung nodded quietly and scurried off into the bathroom. Changbin had purposefully found one of the only sweatshirts he owned that was bright – bright purple – to give to Jisung. The flashy purple sweatshirt was far too big, enveloping his small frame; sleeves hanging four or five centimeters past his fingertips and the shirt dangling only three or so above his knees. The basketball shorts he's been given or less colorful, grey and baggy, but fit better.

“Hurry up Sungie, or you don't get any say in our background movie!” Changbin’s shout was accompanied by a few good pounds on the door.

For the second time, Jisung jumped in surprise, bashing his right wrist hard against the granite counter. He could feel the vibration travel up his bone to his elbow, but managed to keep silent despite the sharp pain, “I'm coming.”

Changbin’s bedroom wasn't extravagant or large, but it was warm and lived in. Two stuffed toys perched high on his pillows and a few posters hung on the white walls.

“See, and you guys say I'm small,” Changbin cackled, pointing at Jisung as the youngest entered.

“Awe, our cute little Jisungie~”

The younger rolled his eyes, but enjoyed the attention nonetheless, “sabotage…”

Jisung’s deadpan response resulted in both Chris and Changbin bursting into a fit of laughter – oddly childish but endearing. He shortly ended up joining the chorus.

“I love you guys,” Chris said, wiping tears from his eyes, after his laughter tapered, “I was so frustrated and stuff this morning, but now,”

“Success!” Jisung extended his fist to Changbin who, though clearly confused, bumped it with his own smiling as he did, “My sole mission in life,” the youngest finished, grinning so wide his cheeks hurt.

Chris opened his mouth to speak again, but couldn't seem to find the words and instead closed it, clenched his jaw, and tried something else, “So what are we watching?”

*~*~*~*

Jisung knew he must have fallen asleep. It was one of those weird moments between fully understanding where you actually are and still being lost in a dream. The dream had been amazing. He was on stage, between Chris and Changbin. Glancing at them both, Jisung noticed they each had a special earpiece in. Popping out, contrasted against the dark plastic, were words. Changbin’s said ‘SpearB’ and Chris’s read ‘CB97’; stage names they'd joked about using a few times in the past. Jisung had always felt left out, having not thought of anything other than ‘squirrel,’ which wasn't really up to par. He was about to check his own earpiece when Chris’s voice blurred the line.

The older boy was talking to somebody, but not speaking to Jisung – at least not so far as the younger could tell. The words were muffled and hushed – distant maybe.

Jisung pulled his arm clumsily out from under the warm blanket which had been wrapped tightly around him and rubbed his sleep filled eyes. Someone must have put the blanket around him after he drifted off and moved him too, onto the floor mat, “Hyung?”

“Oh, sorry mom. I gotta go…yeah. Me too. Thanks…love you.” Jisung heard the soft rustle of fabric, “Sorry I woke you Sungie,” Chris switched back to Korean speaking softly.

“It's okay,” Jisung slurred, squinting to try and see Chris better, “you sleep?”

The older boy laughed soundlessly, laying his body next to Jisung’s, “for a bit, but you know me and sleep.”

“Everything okay?”

“Oh yeah,” the older paused, pulling the blanket farther around Jisung and himself, “mom just worries, you know? Sometimes I think I'm too honest with her about how I'm feeling and,” he stopped for a second, thoughtful, “she checks up on me.”

“It's good to be honest. Be honest with us too.”

“I am Ji,” he paused again, longer this time, “it's just…”

“just what?” the younger pried carefully.

“I'm older. I don't want you to worry or feel burdened, bothered. I'm alright most of the time.”

“We don't care if you're older Hyung,” Changbin’s voice cut in, “I think both Sung and I just want to be there for you. We already worry sometimes.”

“I know.”

“That's a good start,” Jisung said truthfully.

“It's just frustrating. Sometimes, it feels like everything is against me. Makes me feel worthless,” the last was said quietly. So quietly Jisung assumed Changbin likely missed it.

“Even if you never debut, if you live with your parents forever, or eat nothing but fast food you'll never be worthless Hyung.”

The three lapsed into silence. Jisung was sure the others had fallen asleep after a few minutes filled with nothing but deep breathing had passed.

But then the light from Chris’s phone drew his attention back to the older boy, “your mom again?”

“What? No-I just thought of lyrics – just a few words really.”

Furniture creaked, “Oh yeah?”

“What genius lyrics have popped into your head this time Hyung?” Jisung turned towards the soft light.

“Hold on a sec…”

“Must be good then,” Changbin said brightly and Jisung hummed in agreement.

“Okay. So for our song ‘compass’ or ‘shattered compass’ – whatever we decide on… I think I have a part of my verse, a theme. I have been thinking about how to work in the idea…explain exactly what my compass is, it’s not much but,” he paused taking a breath;

_‘My precious team._

_My compass.’_

“I like it.”

“Me too,” Changbin added softly, “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I love knowing that somebody enjoyed what I wrote. Have a wonderful week <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit short, hope that's alright XD

They’d been rejected another three times before the stress really started to get to Jisung. He’d always had a focus problem. Not an inability to do so, despite what former teachers used to say. He could focus too much at times. It was a gift – or curse – that was, for the most part, shared with Chris and Changbin.

Changbin often escaped, though not by choice, leaving their studio because his mother wanted him home for dinner whenever possible.

Chris would stay in the studio – unmoving – from sun up to sun down unless someone intervened. So zoned into whatever piece he was trying to perfect that JYP himself would have trouble pulling him away.

Jisung had done that once in solidarity with Chris – or tried to – but it only resulted in Chris dragging the younger out to eat. The Aussie claimed he’d done so because Jisung didn’t handle skipping meals well.

_‘No one does. But that doesn’t stop you Hyung,’ he had argued back._

_‘Yeah, but you look like you’ll fall over and die every time you wait too long. I don’t like it.’_

Apparently, his two hyungs had spoken on the subject. Because after that night Changbin made it a point to make Jisung at least get up and eat before he left them.

However, it wasn’t his hyung’s concern that was creating stress. It wasn’t even the multiple rejections or uncertainty. Though those did sting. It was his parents.

They loved him. They supported him; mostly. He talked to them almost once a week. They’d even sent him packages and letters.

He missed them and they missed him.

Three days ago, following their latest rejection, his mother had said ‘It’s okay. If you leave JYP and come back home. It’s alright – we’d still be proud of you.’

Jisung didn’t want to quit. Chris hadn’t quit.

The youngest wanted to debut, to live out his dream with Chris and with Changbin.

But the ‘it’s okay,’ was playing on repeat. Endlessly replaying in his head. It was driving him insane.

Jisung hated it. He hated that it bothered him, he hated that she had said it, he hated that he couldn’t let it go. He hadn’t been training all that long, just over a year. Nothing compared to Chris.

And what did she really mean by saying those things? Was it actually just support? Or was it more of a ploy to get him home?

That thought frustrated him even more. Jisung had fought hard to convince his parents to allow him to audition, and while they had – reluctantly – let him, Jisung had always wondered how much of their support was real and how much was simply meant to humor him until he failed.

He knew that the majority of his dad’s support wasn’t much more than politeness. The older man wasn’t pleased with his son’s obsession. But his mom.

The mere thought that his mom might not support him was far worse than any rejection – far worse than any pain he’d experienced thus far. Jisung wanted his parents to believe in him.

Giving a frustrated sigh, Jisung threw the covers off and sat up in the darkness. The digital clock on the far side of the room said that it was three-eighteen, meaning he had been laying there awake for the last five hours. He roughly rubbed his eyes and stood, changing into his jeans and grabbing his bag before quietly leaving the room.

The hallway was just as dark as the bedroom had been, but the street was much brighter to Jisung’s relief; the darkness made it harder to ignore the repetitive thoughts.

The short walk to the studio helped clear his head some, at least enough to where Jisung felt he might be able to get a few lyrics written before Chris arrived around six.

The company was empty and dark, as expected. The studio was – thankfully – also empty but illuminated by the small nightlight they had plugged in near the scattered equipment they seemed to collect.

Jisung was quick to unpack, hoping to use whatever focus he had at that moment to be productive.

“’It’s okay…’” he shook his head as he sat down, “well that is a place to start,” he mumbled already writing in his nearly filled notebook, “ _Mom and Dad said it, if it gets hard you can stop,_ ” He continued to mutter, occasionally sputtering bits and pieces making sure they fit together. After a few minutes, he reached for his phone and flicked on a random track.

*~*~*~*~*

The sun had started to peek in through the small square window when Jisung decided he’d finished the song, or at least the lyrics. He ran through the words a few times tweaking in in places.

“Jisung? Why are you here already?”

Jisung, who’d taken to pacing as he worked, jumped and tripped at the unexpected question, catching himself somewhat painfully on the side of the table.

“You alright?” Chris questioned honestly, though he couldn’t contain his clear amusement.

“Yeah, just bruised. Is it six already?”

“Six-ten. How long have you been here? Looks like you’ve been working hard.” Chris placed his things down as he glanced over at the open notebook, “New lyrics?”

“Oh-um,” Jisung pulled the notebook away from his friends prodding eyes, “I’m not ready to share it yet, but yeah, it’s new.” He closed it before continuing, “I think I got here around three-thirty…couldn’t sleep.”

“Are you crazy?”

“You’re one to talk.”

“I don’t like you walking here alone, Sungie…Especially, not in the middle of the night.”

“Korea’s safe Hyung…”

“You’re a minor.” Chris sighed heavily, “Have you eaten breakfast? No, I’m guessing.”

“I mean, it’s only six now,” Chris sent him a look but said nothing, so Jisung tried another tactic, “It’s not like you’ve eaten yet.”

Chris went to reply but was interrupted by the door.

“Oh, you’re both here already? I thought I was going to beat you both this time,” Changbin pulled down his face mask and continued, “Good morning.”

“Take Jisung and go eat breakfast.”

“Uh…Okay?”

“I’m fine Hyung! Besides you haven’t-“

“I ate before leaving the dorm Sung. You got here at three,”

“What the fu-“

“Language Changbinnie. We agreed to start practicing censoring.”

Jisung wanted to argue, but decided against it, “Okay Hyung, we’ll be back.” He grabbed Changbin’s arm as he exited.

“You guys fight or something?”

“No – but he has that meeting with JYP today.”

“Oh yeah,”

“I think it’s just getting to him,”

Changbin whistled briefly, “Yeah. So, three?”

“I couldn’t sleep.” Jisung opened the door leading onto the street, “and it was three-thirty.” Changbin’s lack of response and lingering silence started to slowly grade on Jisung; as the older knew it would. Unable to withstand the silence any longer, Jisung caved and continued, “I just have a lot on my mind…okay. Say something,” after another minute or two, the younger reluctantly finished, “I spoke to my parents alright. It’s fine. Not a big deal.”

“What’d you talk about?” Changbin questioned casually, as though he hadn’t known what he’d been doing, “They still wishing you were back in school?”

Jisung sighed at that, always forgetting how much he’d told Changbin, “Yeah. Probably…but it’s just – Mom said it’d be ‘okay’ if I gave up. And I don’t know. It bothers me.”

“Do you want to?”

“What? Of course not! You don’t think that, do you? I haven’t done anything to make you think that, have I? I want to debut. I swear, I want to work with you and Chris-hyung and I never –“

“Jisung. Breath.” Changbin had stopped in front of the younger and grabbed onto his shoulders firmly, “Ji, I know. Okay. We trust you. I just wanted you to answer so that you’d stop worrying about it,” he clapped his hand on Jisung’s arm a couple of times, “Although I guess that backfired. But like,” he pulled away a bit and rubbed his neck awkwardly, “It’s not that big of a deal. My parents have said that since the beginning.”

“As long as you know,” Jisung relaxed and took a deep breath; slightly surprised by how unnerved he was, “Your parents have said that since the beginning?”

Changbin nodded, turning back down the road, “Yeah, yours haven’t huh?”

“It feels like they’ve only ever _claimed_ to support me.” Jisung’s annoyance came across as he pulled the convenience store door wide open roughly, “It took a lot to convince them, and now I feel like maybe I never actually did.”

“That might be true Ji, but they still let you come. They had enough faith to do that.”

“Yeah and each day I’m a trainee that faith drains…they’re probably so disappointed in me.” He muttered the last part under his breath dejectedly.

Changbin scowled but said nothing, instead, he grabbed a couple of packs of instant ramen and quickly paid for them. “Here or the studio?”

“Here, I guess.”

“Don’t be too upset by them Ji. They want what’s best.” Changbin continued to prepare the ramen at the station next to the seats Jisung had chosen, “So they don’t understand it now. They will eventually.”

“Maybe.”

“And I doubt you’ve disappointed them.”

Jisung felt his body tense, “I have. They wanted me to finish school. Become something important.” He fought against the break in his voice that threatened.

“Ji, if that’s true. If they’ve been ‘disappointed’ because their son managed to get into a large company in Korea, because their son can rap, sing, dance, write, and compose, and because he hasn’t finished school in order to pursue his dream then,” Changbin bit back the building frustration as best he could and placed the still covered ramen on the counter to cook, “they don’t matter.”

Jisung dropped his head forward, whining quietly, “Don’t say that Hyung…”

“Sung, they have nothing to be disappointed in. So if they are, they don’t matter.”

“But…”

“My parents are disappointed I’m not planning on going to college.”

“Don’t say that Hyung! Your parents are so proud of –“

“Exactly,” smiling Changbin pulled the lid off of both his and Jisung’s ramen, “I don’t think your parents are disappointed. Worried maybe, but so are we.”  

“Yeah…”

“Does Chris-hyung know why you were up all night?” the words came out muffled around a mouthful of noodles.

“Of course not. I don’t want him to think I’m not ready to debut or worry whether or not I’m cut out for the idol life,” Jisung shoveled another bite into his mouth, managing to shove the mounds of noodles into each cheek so he could continue to talk, “He worries enough and I will not be a source of worry for him.”

“I don’t think you get to decide whether or not he worries about you,” Changbin paused to take another bite, “Do you think Chris-hyung will be alright if we get rejected again?”

The younger boy slowed his chewing down as he thought about the question. He wanted to say ‘yes’ to reassure Changbin and himself, but at the same time, his personal fears and concerns about Chris’s wellbeing were often at the forefront, “Regardless we’ll be there for him. I think as long as he knows that, he’ll be fine.” Jisung was relieved to see Changbin relax at that. He yawned reluctantly and continued, changing subjects, “I was productive this morning. I think I wrote a whole song.”

“You think?” Changbin questioned cheekily.

“Well. It’d be a solo, so, yeah. I mean I could cannibalize it too, put the lyrics somewhere else. So, yeah ‘I think.’”

“Can I read it? Does it have a name?” Changbin wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and then his hand on his jeans.

“’I See,’ that’s what I’m calling it,” Jisung answered as he slid the notebook over.

The younger waited, though not patiently, shoving noodles into his mouth as Changbin read over his lyrics. Jisung had shown both Chris and Changbin his lyrics hundreds of times, but this time it felt much more personal and he couldn’t shake the constant pulse of anxiety that had been building since he woke up. He hadn’t felt this nervous when showing them his section of ‘Broken Compass.’ But his anxiety just continued to build as he watched Changbin mouth through each cleanly written word.

“You did this in three hours?” Changbin looked up as he spoke, clearly impressed.

“Yeah. It needs work.”

“I don’t think it does Ji,” he looked down again mumbling a few passages, “It’s super raw, but still super poetic. Shit, I wish I could come up with things this fluid on the first pass,” He slurped up the last of his ramen, “Your writing is always fluid and clean.”

“Thanks,” Jisung took the compliment, though embarrassed, “It’ll probably not become anything though.”

“Chris-hyung will have you record it once he sees it.” Chuckling, Changbin tossed his empty bowl away, “As long as we have our freedom most things can be done. Like we recorded ‘Wow’ yesterday Ji, and that song is way over the top.”

“Yeah, great beat though,” tossing his own bowl away he continued, “Chris-hyung is going to show JYP ‘Runner’s High’ and ‘Broken Compass’ this evening.”

“Don’t remind me,” Changbin sounded worried and excited, “It’s the first time he’ll of actually listened to anything we’ve written.”

The three of them had really pushed each other and themselves to make those two tracks as close to perfect as they could. Chris had been determined Park Jinyoung would listen to them; the CEO had avoided it too many times before.

Jisung was also worried, it felt like an all or nothing situation. Either JYP would listen and hear their tracks – hear promise in them – or decide they were hopeless. “Yeah…I’m a bit anxious too.”

The two stopped talking after that, each content with their own thoughts and made the short trip back to their study.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Have a wonderful week!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, you enjoy it!!!

After Jisung and Changbin returned to the studio, it became clear that the anxiety was obviously shared among the three of them. For Chris, it was quiet and almost painful. Especially in the way he kept looking towards the clock and pulling at his hair. For Changbin it manifested as excitement – nervous energy. Energy he managed to put into writing and composing. Even idea dropping, throwing out an idea for a song influenced by Russian dolls.

Unsurprisingly, Jisung’s anxiety – exacerbated by his lack of sleep – was making it hard for him to sit still. Though he tried. Desperately. The fact that he was probably distracting Chris and Changbin was only adding to his unease. Jisung had been able to use some of his added energy – uncomfortable though it was – in a useful manner. Crafting a rough background for ‘I See.’ He was planning to give the rough track to Chris before the older’s meeting, and then promptly run back to the dorm in fear, embarrassment, and lingering nervousness. His anxiety was, however, the only reason Jisung was still awake which was a plus.

It only managed to do this until mid-afternoon, after that Jisung found himself face down on the table.

The eruption of laughter confused the youngest, as did the slight pain emanating from his forehead where he’d hit the table. Thankfully, his notebook had softened the blow.

“Sung go to sleep. Go home,” Chris managed through unconcealed laughter, “You’ve been drifting for an hour.”

‘We’ve been waiting for you to drop,” Changbin added gleefully, “Your heads been bobbing for ages.”

Jisung rubbed his forehead a couple times then collapsed forward, folding his arms under him, “But I’m working.”

“Sungie, you haven’t been working for a while now,” Chris spoke again more thoughtfully as the laughter had faded, “I’m surprised you’re awake at all, it’s almost four p.m. and you’ve been up for who knows how long.”

Almost four meant there was still roughly three hours until Chris had his meeting, “I’m sure I can work more Hyung.”

“How about we order an early dinner? Then we can call it or change locations,” Changbin already started dialing before anyone was able to speak up and quickly ducked into the hallway.

“You don’t need to stay Sung.”

“Tough!” Jisung bit the inside of his cheek to prevent another yawn, “I gotta stay now. Food.”

Chris shook his head, “Any chance I’ll get to hear what you’ve been working on since three this morning?” he raised his eyebrows towards the end to demonstrate his curiosity further.

“Yes!” Jisung said definitively, then added, “When I leave!” and snorted at Chris’s overdramatic reaction.

“But then you won’t be here for me to shower you with praise.”

“Exactly!” Jisung scrunched his nose unintentionally, still uncomfortable with the idea of seeing Chris’s reaction, “I want your honest opinion on it.”

“Loser...and I’m always honest!”

“You just said you were going to ‘shower me with praise’ for something you haven’t even heard. How is that honest?”

“That’s called faith.” Chris puffed out his chest proudly, “I know anything you or Changbin share will be good because I have faith in you.”

“Sometimes I think you’re the only one,” Jisung muttered under his breath, careful to speak too low for Chris to hear.

The younger was saved from further questions as Changbin returned, “Three servings of chicken incoming. I love that place.” he said placing his phone down and stretching, “If we’re not careful though, they are going to start remembering us.”

“That’s called being a loyal customer Changbinnie~” Chris waved off the other’s embarrassment, “Now-You also know Jisung’s new project will deserve praise, right?”

“Hyung~”

“Because he seems to think praising it would be dishonest.”

“That’s because you’re talking about praising something that you’ve never heard!”

“And I told you that’s called faith,” Chris instantly repeated. “You know it’ll be good, don’t you Binnie?”

Laughing lightly at his friend's bickering, Changbin playfully answered, “Well~ I’ve read the lyrics so~”

“Hey? Wait-what? Jisungie that’s not fair! Let Hyung read what you wrote.”

Another surge of anxiety flashed through Jisung, “No. I’ll give it to you when I leave.”

“But I want to read it now,” Chris seemed to be entertained by this new information and continued to heckle, “You like Changbinnie more than me. I see...I understand.”

Jisung rolled his eyes and tossed an eraser at Chris, “Stop. You’re being ridiculous…”

“It’s a great song,” Changbin chimes in to tease Chris and Jisung further, “it’s a real shame you haven’t seen it yet Hyung.”

“Changbin-hyung stop! Jeez! Fine. Here!” Jisung shoved the small device he’d been drafting the composition onto and his notebook over to Chris, then unceremoniously grabbed Changbin’s cell phone, “I’ll wait for the chicken…” he hurried out before either could protest. Jisung liked his new song and he trusted Changbin, but composing wasn’t his strong point; either was singing. And he still felt uneasy about telling Chris what his mother had told him. Jisung didn’t want to force the older into pretending it was good either.

Not wanting to be near the studio as the others listened, Jisung walked down the stairs and outside; so he could pace without aggravating anyone. He didn’t like knowing he’d have to face his friends again so soon either.

This feeling was not completely unfamiliar feeling for Jisung; the anxiety. He’d experienced a few nasty days throughout his life so far, but today was turning out to be one of the worst. With not sleeping, the whole thing with his mom, and the thought of Chris listening to – judging – his new song everything was just fueling it. He noticed that even his hunger had already been pushed away by it. Now he just felt mildly nauseous.

Changbin’s phone vibrated, startling him slightly, and Jisung slid the answer button – catching sight of the delivery man as he did – before he spoke, “I see you,” he waved towards the gentleman.

After a polite exchange, Jisung was forced to return to his friends. He’d been gone exactly seven minutes, and he hoped they finished and forgotten about his song by this point. A lump started to form in the back of his throat knowing how unrealistic that dream was.

He forced himself to pause just outside their studio, heart hammering painfully, ears ringing, palms slick, and brain screaming. Jisung tried to calm himself as best he could and opened the door – more carefully than he’d intended – with a fake smile plastered to his face.

The youngest of the trio expected a lot of things when he opened the door, none of which happened. Apparently, he looked as anxious as he felt.

“Shit, Sung are you alright? What happened? Sit down,” Changbin had already grabbed the plastic bag holding their food and set it down before Jisung really caught on to what was being said, “Come on Sung. Take a deep breath, yeah?”

“I-is this because of the song? Jisung,” Chris stuttered over his words, he’d never seen this reaction out of his friend before. “It was great Sungie. I loved it and I think you should record it. If you’d like to anyway. Not right now obviously but.”

“I’m fine…” Jisung’s voice broke and he started to laugh, “I’m just, too tired I think...really anxious.”

“I’ll bet you’re tired,” Changbin still looked unsure, but went to unpack the chicken, “You shouldn’t feel anxious about showing us your tracks.”

“I’m fine,”

“We’d never be mean or criticize you, Ji. I don’t want you to think that we would, yeah?” Changbin continued quietly.

Jisung ducked his head even lower – he’d yet to cry in front of them; to really cry. It would happen someday, but the longer he could put it off the better. Swallowing thickly, he blinked a few times and looked back up, “I know. I really think I’m just super tired.”

“Eat something, then go back to the dorms and sleep,” Chris scowled gently, “I really do love the song though Sungie.”

“I’m sorry,”

“You’re both ridiculous. Apologizing for no reason.” Changbin forced a piece of chicken into Jisung’s mouth and then aggressively did the same for Chris, “I’m the only normal one here.” He claimed as he shoved a piece into his own mouth.

They fell into a silent lull filled with the sounds of eating. Jisung knew they were still watching him despite the topic change and was struck with a selfish thought he tried to squash down. _I wouldn’t mind being in the middle. I want to be in the middle._ His mind continued; older than some and younger than some.

“Changbinnie, can you walk our squirrel home? He can’t even stay awake while eating…”

“I’m awake!”

“You’ve got sauce on your nose, Ji.” Chucking a napkin towards their youngest, Changbin continued, “Yeah, I’ll make sure he gets to bed before heading home too. You going to be fine? Waiting alone, I mean?”

The Aussie sighed into another piece of chicken, “Yeah. It’s pretty routine at this point. Meeting’s at seven-fifty, ten minutes to plead our case again. Convinced JYP to meet here though.” he paused to grab another piece, “I plan on having songs playing when he gets here. In case he tries to back out of listening again.”

“I feel good about it this time Hyung,” Changbin attempted to sound reassuring.

“Well, just don’t get your hopes too high. Please,” Chris sighed again, “There’s no reason to assume we’ll get a ‘yes’ this time. I’m hoping for mild interest. I think, if he seems remotely intrigued by the stuff we’ve created, I’ll try to make a deal. Maybe he’ll give us a deadline to create something and maybe he’ll listen to that track. Anyway, I’ll tell you guys all about it tomorrow. So don’t try and wait up.” he shot a glance towards Jisung.

“I’ll try Hyung.”

“Me too,” Changbin added, “But, like, you ‘can’ text or call if you want to, alright? You don’t ‘have’ to wait until morning. Regardless of what he says.”

Chris bobbed his head up and down a few times, “I know I ‘can’ Changbinnie, but I don’t think we’ll get any information so important I’ll need to. I’m going in assuming it’s still a ‘no.’ So unless it’s more than that, I think I’ll be alright for one night without my perfect little brothers.” he smiled fondly and grabbed another piece of chicken, “Eventually things will work out.”

Jisung smiled sadly at the slight lack of confidence behind those words, but nodded, “Exactly. We’ll work with you until the end Hyung.”

Changbin hummed and Chris nodded.

“We can always just upload out songs under a stage name without permission,” Jisung added using his hands to cover his mouth, “and maybe, if we catch enough interest, that could be another way to leverage management.”

“We’d have to be careful doing that Sungie – check to make sure we aren’t breaking any rules,” Changbin pulled up his water bottle from below the table and took a drink, “But it isn’t a bad idea. People know you already Chris-hyung. I mean those that follow JYP closely.”

“Yeah, we can do that,” Chris leaned back watching for a few seconds, “Anyway, Ji – I really would like you to go home and sleep.”

“We were just having a strategic meeting--”

“Well, the meeting is adjourned,” the oldest laughed, “Once we know how tonight goes we can strategize more. But I’d feel better knowing you were sleeping. And I promise I won’t message either of you alright? So don’t wait for it.”

Though reluctant, Jisung nodded and grabbed one last piece of chicken, “Yeah, alright.”

Changbin copied him by also taking a piece, “You want me to come back after Ji is settled? Ma said I didn’t need to worry about staying out late tonight.”

“Nah. You head home too. We can meet up early tomorrow if you guys want.”

“I promise I won’t get here before six,” Jisung proclaimed as he gathered his things, “You can hold onto ‘I See’ – the track – edit it if you’d like,” he added as Chris tried to return the small mix machine.

“Sure, sure. Don’t expect much changes though. I really do like it Sungie.”

“Yeah – yeah,” he cast aside the praise, still embarrassed by his earlier reaction and still uncomfortable with the spatterings of anxiety deep within his gut, “You’ll make it better.”

“Yeah, whatever. Sleep well and I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“Don’t stress too much.”

“See you tomorrow, Hyung.” Changbin slapped Chris’s shoulder, “ready to go Ji?”

“Yep!”

The two quickly made their way out of the building and in the direction of the nearby dorms, “I’m surprised you aren’t telling me to go home.”

“You wouldn’t listen anyway,”

There was a lapse in conversation that lasted a few blocks before Changbin spoke again, “Should I go back to the studio?”

Jisung sighed heavily, “No. I think Chris-hyung will be alright. Just go home and try not to worry too much.” He yawned, “Whatever happens we’ll figure it out. I promise.”

“Yeah. yeah, you’re right,” Changbin paused and waited for Jisung to open the door leading into the dorms, “Jisungie-hyung~” he snickered, though it held a tone of honesty and sincerity.

“Ha ha ha,” the younger rolled his eyes, but smiled brightly, “Changbinnie~my only younger hyung.” They continued to banter for a few more minutes, only stopping when they reached Jisung’s door, “So-”

“Open the door Sungie,” when the younger blinked oddly, “I’m putting you to bed, then I’ll leave.”

“I’m not three,” but Jisung opened the door nonetheless.

“No, but I gave Chris-hyung my word.”

“You promised to walk me home.”

“I said ‘I’ll get him to bed’ before leaving.”

“Ridiculous…” Jisung smiled and was quick to open the door and put on comfortable clothes, even getting under the covers when Changbin continued to refuse to leave. “Better?”

“Yep. Sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow Ji.”

“Right,” he said through a yawn again, “Don’t worry too much Hyung.” Jisung heard Changbin whisper something and snicker, but his eyes were already closed; his brain already drifting.

*~*~*~*

Jisung wasn’t typically a light sleeper. In fact, there were plenty of instances where things should have woken him up but didn’t; a car crash just outside his window, an earthquake, even someone screaming at him to get out of bed. And he almost never woke up in the middle of the night because of a text.

However, there’s a first time for everything.

The sound wasn’t even on, the phone just vibrated – three pulses – against the taunt mattress near Jisung’s pillow. Three relatively short pulses and his eyes were open by the third. The digital clock read ‘2:29 a.m.’ on the other side of the room and a sudden spike of emotions bolted through Jisung.

He nearly hit his head on the bunk above him as he sat up and grappled for the phone.

\-- _guys. We need to talk...come to the studio_ \-- it was a group text sent to him and Changbin.

“Shit,” Jisung fumbled to pull the blankets off his body, tripping as his feet hit the floor and he was only just able to catch himself, “Shit...shit…” he continued to mutter endlessly. He didn’t bother changing out of his basketball shorts and simply pulled a sweatshirt over his head.

Something was wrong, Jisung was sure of it. Chris rarely asked them to come to the studio; especially in the middle of the night. And the last time he had done so – before Changbin had joined them – it was because his mom was in the hospital and he was not okay, “shit.”

It was chilly outside and starting to rain, but Jisung was too riled to really notice; he’d barely remembered to slip his shoes on before leaving.

What if something happened to Chris’s family again? Or to Chris? Had the meeting went that badly? Was he hurting or in danger?

Another spike of panic shot through Jisung. He started to jog and dialed Chris’s number, “pick up…”

“Hello? Jisungie, shouldn’t you be asleep? It’s two-thirty-seven. I didn’t wake you up did I? Your phone should have been off…”

Jisung stumbled on the curb, nearly losing his balance completely, and found himself unable to say anything. Chris sounded alright, good even.

“Jisung? Are you there? Are you alright?”

“Are you alright? Is everything okay? What happened? Is it something with your family? Or…”

“Hey. Ji calm down. Where are you? Everything is fine. I’m fine.”

Jisung slowed his pace slightly, “good,” the word broke in half; with a combination of relief and residual terror, “that’s good…”

“Ji, hey. It’s okay. I didn’t mean to freak you out. Just tell Hyung where you are?” Chris’s voice was so soft and warm.

Jisung bit his lip, hoping to keep his voice steady, “I’m almost there…”

“It’s good news Jisungie,” Chris continued reassuringly, “They gave the okay. Alright? I just wanted to make sure you and Binnie still wanted a larger group. Okay? See good news.”

“I,” Jisung’s voice broke again, this time with a badly concealed sob.

“I’m so sorry Ji. I should have waited until tomorrow. Hyung is so sorry…”

Jisung hated the regret that colored Chris’s tone, “It’s fine Hyung…” he swallowed painfully, “I, just...yeah.” he attempted to wipe his eyes with his damp sleeve, “shit it’s raining…”

“Sungie…”

“I’m, I’ll be there in a couple minutes Hyung. Will you…” he hesitated, “will you stay on the line?”

“Of course Sungie. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here. Just,” Jisung could hear Chris take a deep breath, “I didn’t think about how you or Binnie would react. I just couldn’t sleep so I returned to the studio and figured I’d message you both.”

“It’s fine,” Jisung tried again.

“He said ‘yes,’ and then asked that question. And I didn’t want to give him too much time, to change his mind, you know?”

“Everything is fine Hyung, I overreacted.” Chris didn’t respond and Jisung had a feeling that the older disagreed, “I’m coming into the company now. I’ll probably lose connection in the elevator…” his heart sped up at the thought of ending the phone call, but he tried to push that irrational thought away. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

“Okay, Sungie. You really don’t need to be concerned.”

“It’s okay...no need for concern…” Jisung muttered after the call ended. But he was concerned, uncomfortable, upset, and every other emotion he could imagine. He tapped his foot restlessly, waiting for the elevator to open. He just wanted to see his friend with his own eyes, then everything would be alright. “shit...JYP said ‘yes’...” he stammered as the door finally opened.

Chris was waiting for him, standing in the open door that led to their studio, “You didn’t even grab a jacket?” The older caught hold of Jisung the second he was within reach and pulled him into the room, “Jisung why are you wearing shorts? It’s raining – take off that sweatshirt,” Chris started to pull at the fabric, “you’re soaked, Ji...You’re going to get sick…”

“Didn’t think to grab an umbrella?” Changbin appeared before the sweatshirt was completely off of Jisung’s head. The dark rapper was also wet, though the dripping umbrella had clearly taken the brunt. He seemed less high strung than Jisung felt, but Changbin was out of breath and his eyes shifted between the other two with alarming speed. “I got a sweatshirt on the chair. Left it last week.”

“Toss it here please,” Chris threw Jisung’s wet clothes against the wall and caught the black dry sweatshirt as it was tossed, “Well. I’m glad you guys came quickly – I suppose. I was telling Ji,” he paused forcing Jisung into the large shirt, “We got the go-ahead, or I did, to try and form a group. But JYP asked if the three of us wanted to try it alone. Said we could upload our stuff online in the future too. But, I wanted to make sure you guys still wanted a group larger than three.”

Jisung watched Changbin sag with relief – Chris missed the movement as he busied himself with drying Jisung’s hair – and locked eyes. They’d clearly both thought the same thing when reading the message.

“Well, that’s great news then,” was Changbin’s response, “Amazing news actually. You mean we really get to try and move forward?” Excitement continued to build as his brain fully understood what Chris had said, “Mom is going to be so relieved.”

“Yeah,” Chris flashed a smile towards Changbin, which fell as he turned back to Jisung, “Are you cold Sungie? We don’t have any sweatpants in here, but I might have a pair of jeans in one of the locker rooms.”

Jisung was cold, but didn’t want to further bring down Chris’s mood – or have his friend out of his sight – they should be celebrating, “I’m alright Hyung. Binnie-hyung’s sweatshirt is warm and yes! I still want a larger group~I want a maknae~” he tugged at his future leader’s shirt childishly to lift the mood.

It worked, “You’ll always be my maknae Sungie~ it doesn’t matter how many more people join us.”

“Speaking of,” Changbin started pausing to check his phone, “any idea on who we might be adding? I know we’ve thrown some names into the mix a few times, but we’ve never really set anything in stone.”

“A few. I’ll always run it by you both first, but I’ve got some ideas. In fact, do you know Kim Woojin? The vocalist that used to train at SM?”

“Your friend?”

“The one that is supposedly super talented, friendly, and a really nice guy?” Jisung asked at the same time.

“Yeah,” Chris chuckled, “I might see if he’s interested.”

“Yeah that, uh sorry hold that thought,” Changbin pulled his phone up to his ear, “Yeah mom...No. No everything is great, we’ve been given the go-ahead...yeah. No, he’s fine – great even – just excited.” He paused mouthing ‘sorry,’ “Okay, I’ll be back soon. Or at least I’ll leave soon. Sorry, I woke you up. Okay, bye.” He paused for a second longer, hanging up the call, “Sorry about that. I can’t really stay long, but I’m really excited Hyung. Woojin-shii sounds great. I’d like to meet him.”

“No, it’s fine. Hurry on home – tell your mom ‘I’m sorry.’ We’ll talk about all this later.” Chris rushed through, grabbing Changbin’s discarded umbrella, “we’re not staying here either. So don’t worry about that. How about I take us out to lunch or dinner later? We can talk about everything then.”

“Alright,” Changbin grinned taking the umbrella, “But you owe us more than just one meal. Stay warm, Ji – good night guys.” He slung an arm over Chris’s shoulders and ruffled Jisung’s hair before turning and casting a glance back at them one last time.

“You guys got really freaked out, huh?” Chris said a minute or so later. He didn’t seem upset or sad, there was some other underlying emotion.

Jisung didn’t trust himself to speak, so he nodded.

“I’m sorry,”

“Stop. You don’t have to be. At least not to me – though Changbin-hyung apparently woke up his mom~”

“Oh be quiet,” it lacked bite, “Come on. Let’s go back to the dorms – you’re probably going to get pneumonia or something.”

“I’ll be fine.” Jisung waited until Chris had moved back to the table before speaking again, “Hyung, do you think Woojin will join us?” The younger had seen the vocalist a handful of times, but never actually interacted with him. Woojin seemed too adult and too professional, and Jisung didn’t want to come off as immature; not if it could be avoided.

“That’ll be up to him, but I’ll send him a message tomorrow. I hope so – he’s got a lot of talent and I think he’d mesh well with the three of us,” Chris had started to gather his things, “I don’t have an umbrella – you can borrow my jacket though,” he suggested pulling the black and grey ball of clothing from his bag.

The younger shook his head, “Will Woojin like me?” His sudden honesty caused Jisung to quickly backpedal, “I mean he’ll obviously ‘like me,’ but will I annoy him? Just so I know how to act…” Woojin was already kind of a legend and Jisung was not going to be the reason their trio didn’t grow further.

Chris just stared blankly at him for a few seconds. Eventually closing his bag, “You’re not annoying Sungie.” Without further explanation, Chris forced his jacket around Jisung’s shoulders and started to lead them both out of the building. “I can’t believe I’m forming a group that might debut.”

“Will debut.”

“Yeah, ‘will.’”

The rain had picked up since Jisung entered the company and was now coming down at a steady rate. The younger could tell that Chris was torn – probably trying to decide whether walking home was a good idea or not. Chris’s whole body seemed relaxed though; a calm Jisung hadn’t often seen.

“Come on Chris-hyung – sooner we leave, sooner we can sleep – sooner we wake up and game plan,” Jisung grabbed the Aussies arm – forcing the older’s arm over his shoulders – and starting off into the rain.

“Jisung – stop, you shouldn’t get wet again.”

“Too late – come on.” Jisung drove them forward.

Both were dripping wet by the time they reached the dorms, with the rain having picked up even more as they rushed down the last couple of blocks.

“Well I’m awake now,” Chris shook his head causing drops of water to spatter throughout the vacant lobby, “I hope Changbin didn’t get caught up in that.”

“He probably made it before it really started to come down,” Jisung shivered mimicking Chris and shaking his head violently.

“Let’s get you to your room and dry,” The Aussie started for the elevator, “You’re definitely going to get sick…”

“Chris-hyung?”

“Yeah?” Chris turned around to look at Jisung, who’d yet to move past the bright entryway of the building.

The younger gnawed on his lip – still strung up on the lingering nervous anxiety, “Can I stay with you tonight?” he ducked his head as soon as the words exited his mouth, utterly embarrassed at his own question – Chris was fine. Jisung knew Chris was fine, but he also didn’t trust his mind to remember that Chris was fine once they parted ways. Jisung just hoped the older would say ‘yes’ without further questions.

“Of course Sungie,” Chris reached out and held the elevator open, waiting for Jisung to join him. “Do you want to stop by your dorm, or just borrow some dry clothes?”

“Let’s just go straight up to yours,” Jisung was careful to not look Chris directly in the eyes as he entered the elevator.

“You were right you know?”

“Right about what, Hyung?”

“‘Blessing wait,’” Chris pressed the button and the doors closed, “Things are going to move now Sung - I can feel it.”

Jisung smiled brightly, “Yep. It’s the start line.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm sorry for the delay, I was taking care of family.
> 
> If you have ideas for further stories within this universe, feel free to leave a comment. I can't guarantee anything, but you never know <3

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's probably not that good...Hopefully, it improved as it goes on. I'm not sure exactly how long this one will be - at least three chapters I know that.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!! <3


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